Sonic Ball-X
by Birc
Summary: A parody of the hit anime originally planned to publish for Sonic X's 15th, obviously I really ball-X-ed that up. After a bungled attack on the Eggman's lair Sonic is plunged into a world where he definitely doesn't belong, Bush-era America! How will Sonic ever escape? Will be even survive? Why ask these questions and read the story, fools! Warning: Not rated M for nothing!


Sonic Ball-X

One night at some phallic shaped tower, the bald fat bastard Dr Eggman was giving a speech on a camera operated by one of his robot lackeys, Bocoe the silver robot.

"Do ho ho ho! Attention all Mobian governments! It is I Dr Eggman, the most brilliant scientist and the only human being on the planet for some reason! I have perfected my latest and greatest invention, the Egg Vibrator! A doomsday device that will cause earthquakes that will topple every society unless, of course you give in to my demands..."

Outside the mad Doc's stronghold a blue blur raced toward the tower, an army of weaponized guard robots assembled to the front and opened fire at the speeding object. It then changes course to some rocks for cover.

"Jesus Christ! Bullets? Whatever happened to slow moving lazers? Nice to see Eggman stepping up his game!"

Turns out the blur was Eggman's most hated enemy Sonic the Hedgehog (no shit, Sherlock). "I just stocked up on Sonic's chilli dogs before I got here, I can't run too fast!" He sees the robots firing missiles upwards in his direction. "Oh fuck!" Sonic runs as fast as he can towards the base before the missiles hit the ground and spin jumps on the robots which outright blow them up. Once all the robots are destroyed he stops for breather and throws up the food he ate at the all you can eat buffet at the Mobian branch of Sonic.

Back in Eggman's lab, the evil watches Sonic barf on security cam. "Do ho ho ho ho ho! In short time your fate will be sealed, Sonic!"

"Sonic will beat you, you creepy old man with the free candy sign!" Said Cream the Rabbit trapped a tube as a prisoner with her pet ciao Cheese.

"We will see about that, brat! After destroying so many of my bases and robots in the past it's payback time for the little blue punk!"

On a ledge above, Rouge the Bat looks on. "With those chaos Emeralds I'll be sure to pay off those gambling depts." She says to herself while a sax riff plays in the back. "Will you cut out the fucking sax? I'm undercover here!" Then the alarms went off and suddenly Rouge was surrounded by Eggman's guard robots. "Well I haven't been wrapped up in this much metal since my last bondage shoot..."

Outside, a blue plane descended from the sky and lands next to Sonic. "Need a lift, Sonic?" Said it's orange pilot. "Sure do, Tails. I don't feel like going fast right about now!" Sonic said to his side-kick who happens to be one of his species apex predators IRL.

"Sonikku!" A pink hedgehog in a dress at the backseat yells "I don't know why I like calling you by your Japanese name but I think it's cute!"

"Christ alive, Tails! You brought Amy here?"

"We're all in this together Sonic. Just hop in and save the world!"

Sonic jumps on the wing of Tails' plane. The plane takes off and flies towards the top of the phallic tower. "Here we are Sonic! You'll need this!" Tails hands Sonic a gold ring. "Now you will be able to take a single hit before you die." Sonic takes it and starts glowing for some reason, "Thanks Tails! Now to put a stop to the doc and his heart!" Sonic jumps into the Doctor's lair. "Sonikku! Please marry me if you come back!" Hollers Amy from the plane. "Fat chance, you pink bimbo bitch!"

Suddenly the rotor of Tails' plane suddenly starts petering out. "Oh no! We're out of gas! Brace for impact!" Tails panics as the plane tailspins downwards. "I don't wanna die, I'm too young!" Squeals Amy. "And most importantly I haven't done it with Sonic, yet!" "Do what with Sonic?" Then the plane aburptly crashes on something breaking the fall. "We stopped in midair? But how?" Said Tails.

"Yo what da fuck dis plane doing on ma head?" Said a voice from below.

"Knuckles! Is that you?" Shouted Tails.

"Good thing you saved us! I don't have to die without giving it up for Sonic!" Amy cheered.

"I saved ya? I was just climbing dis tower to get da Chaos Emeralds before you niggaz crashed yo shit on ma head!"

Back inside the Doctor's lab, Rouge the Bat is trapped inside a tube next to Cream. "I certainly hope you haven't got any impure plans for me."

"No, at least not yet my dear Rouge. I see the Mobian government sent you to foil my scheme but you failed. At least you get to witness my greatest creation and doomsday device, the Egg Vibrator!"

"You know you seriously need to rethink the names that you give your inventions."

Sonic breaks into the room. "Hey Doc, long time no see, so tell me did you see an actual pussy yet!" Cream and Cheese rejoyce.

"Sonic you're just in time to see my Mobius shattering brilliance in action!"

"Game over Doc, you abducted a child so you're in for a looooong stretch and one thing what's definitely gonna get stretched is your anus in the prison shower!"

"Not so fast, all I have to do to activate the egg vibrator is press this here button!" Eggman holds up a single button controller wired to the device.

"You better press it before I..."

"Thanks for the advice!" Eggman quickly pushes the button and the whole tower begins to quake violently.

"What the fuck is happening!? Did I just fucking fail?" Said Sonic trying to keep balance.

"I didn't intend for it to make my base shake! What's the meaning of this?" Asked the doc falling on his ass.

"I confess Doctor, I kinda spilt coffee on the works." Said Decoe the gold robot nervously.

"You wait until now to tell me you retarded bucket of bolts?! Why would you drink coffee anyway?"

The Egg Vibrator started to spark and shoot electricity. A glowing circle formed on the device and it expanded before it began sucking everything up into it.

"That light! Has the Egg Vibrator gone nuclear!? Oh god! I can't die! Not like this!" Cried the evil doc clinging on to a console for dear life.

Sonic thought about running from the growing light but then he thought about what Amy last said to him. "Fuck it! Let's get this over with!" Sonic says and then he hurls himself into the light.

Meanwhile on a lush forest path, a blond elf bloke (Not the one you're thinking of) and his pixie girlfriend discuss their sex life.

"I keep telling you, Friday." Said the elf. "We can't make this relationship work until we find a way to fit my penis inside your pixie vagina."

Suddenly Sonic falls from what looks like a portal and into the ground.

"What was that?" Said the elf sheathing his sword.

"I don't know, but you should approach it with your sword. If it's not too big!" Teased Friday.

Sonic pulls himself from the dirt. "Man what a trip I wasn't expecting that!"

"Say you look familiar, Sonic?"

"Oh my god? Nigel!? Long ass time no see! How's it going?"

"It's been fine but Sega haven't called me back for work in a while now. I guess I'm just what they call a one-shot wonder."

"Tough break. I've just had some new games this year, now my gahillionth TV show, the kids all love me! Things are looking up! By the way do you know how I can get back to my homeworld? I wounded up here by accident and I wouldn't want to be stuck here."

"Try going inside one of those hollow tree with a face on it. It might warp you back!"

"Ok, thanks!"

Sonic runs inside of a tree of Nigel's description and warps to another world. He exits what looks like a green pipe, into a meadow outside a castle decorated with stained glass showing a princess in pink, this seemed somewhat familiar to our Blue hero.

"I think I've been here before but I'm still not back in my world..."

"Back-a for more-a, eh?" Yelled a high picked voice with exaggerated stereotypical Italian accent.

Sonic looks behind him and sees one of his worst nemesis' ever, Super Mario. "You again? Well, at least I don't have to wait for Smash for my chance to beat you down!" Sonic charges up his spin dash while Mario runs at his opponent, fist in the air ready to strike! Sonic zooms into Mario, but Mario telegraphs with a punch. Both fighters got knocked down when their attacks collided but they're still both raring to go.

"lucky shot! My next attack ain't gonna be so simple to counter!"

Sonic jumps in the air and spins circles around Mario forming a tornado sending him skyward, when his attack finished Sonic stops to look for Mario.

"Where is he? He's so fat I can't lift him that high!"

Little did Sonic know Mario was spinning in the air while making a T pose. He nimbly floats above Sonic's head and broke into a sitting pose plummeting ass first on Sonic's head and crashed through the ground causing a crater. Mario jumped from the crater clutching his ass tight screaming.

"Oow! My ass! I really should-a look before a pound-a!"

Mario's usually white gloves turned red with blood from the wound from being stabbed on Sonic's quills. Sonic slowly limps out from the crater after Mario's attack knocked the air out of him.

"You know, you should really cut down on the Papa John's you fat bastard!"

Mario turned around and lunges at Sonic pinning him to the ground. "Your-a quills can't-a help-a you now! Any last-a words-a?" Mario grinned while holding his fist. "Yeah, lay off the Pizza Hut, fat boy!" Mario let's his fists fly smashing Sonic's face in with one blow after another in succession, blood exploded from Sonic's nostrils with each impact, Sonic then breaks out of the hold and spin jumps with his quills scraping Mario up side the face leaving it all scratched up. Sonic hit Mario with a homing attack and sent him tumbling on the ground.

"Had enough? Don't worry, I'm gonna end it here and now." Said Sonic. Sonic charged for another spin dash. Sonic let's rip but Mario backfilps over it with perfect timing. Sonic then skids to halt then Mario grabs Sonic by one of his head quills and then he started spinning around to perform an olympic hammer throw.

Mario lets Sonic go yelling "So long gay hedgehog!" Sonic soared through the air and into a conveniently placed pipe. Meanwhile in a certain ringed planet in another universe. Some guy in a green armour suit and a blue hologram next to a vehicle with a machine gun mount, were discussing their ...Sex life?!

"I keep telling you Cortana." Said the Man in green armour "We can't make this relationship work until we find a way to physically have sex with a hologram."

Suddenly a portal opens up nearby and spits Sonic out into the dirt.

"What the hell was that? A covenant? I'll check it out!" Said the green armour guy picking up a an alien-like plasma rifle. He investigates the blue hedgehog and was bewildered by his appearance.

"Cortana, what have you got on this thing? It looks like a grunt to me so should I blast it!"

"Don't you have more pressing matters, Chief? Like finding a way to have sex with a hologram?"

"Alright, if you're just going to be like that then I guess I'll just blow it away then!"

The chief let loose with the plasma rifle. "Fucking hell! Can't I get a break?" Said a scared shitless Sonic running for his dear life.

"Think you're too fast to hit, huh?" Taunted Chief. He swaps his weapon for one with sharp purple crystals sticking out of it. "Try this fucker on for size!" The chief fires a series of the crystals homed in on Sonic's ass prompting him that he really gotta go fast. "Aaaaah! Now I really wish I didn't stock up on the Sonic!" Luckily for Sonic, he finds a portal in the distance and a woman wearing an orange suit and holding a strange white gun jumping out of it. Sonic jumps into the portal from which she came from then the woman was repeatedly stabbed by the many crystals which then explode, blowing her up into a red sticky mess. Chief ran up to the unfortunate woman's remains and teabagged them.

Once more Sonic is thrown into another world. Is he back in his own? Stay tuned!


End file.
